Improve your communication and well-being!

Title: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

 

Author: Don Migel Ruiz

Reviewer: Richard Sesek (educator, wantrepreneur)

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Topic/Intent of book: This book is aimed at personal development, but also group cooperation when multiple people follow these simple, but profound guidelines. There are self-limiting beliefs that can create unnecessary suffering and prevent you from reaching your full potential. Ruiz proposes 4 foundational “agreements” that reframe one’s perspective about and interaction with the world. He bases these agreements on ancient Toltec wisdom (the Toltecs were a Mesoamerican civilization in central Mexico (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toltec).

I selected this book because: This book was referenced frequently at the Open Classroom in Salt Lake City, Utah (https://openclassroom.slcschools.org). Both of my children attended this school. Everyone was encouraged to read the book and virtually every parent did so. This is a good book to revisit periodically.

Recommendation: I highly recommend this book! This book is great for those pursuing mindful interaction with others and interested in increasing their self-awareness and emotional intelligence. The techniques for conflict resolution and de-escalation are sound and I have used them myself. Unfortunately, in today’s political climate, people are quick to make assumptions about the motives and intent of others and therefore unwittingly sabotage their interactions and communication. If more people read this book and followed its guidance, the world would be a better place.

Major lessons from this book: Here are the 4 agreements:

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word: “Speak with integrity, say only what you mean.” This fosters psychological safety and trust.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally: ”Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.” This is perhaps the most difficult agreement to make and keep!  

3. Don’t Make Assumptions: Don’t assume the intentions of others. Ask questions to clarify intent and avoid misunderstandings. A good practice is to repeat back to others what you think they said or mean and ask others to do the same.

4. Always Do Your Best. Straight-forward, but powerful. This helps you avoid self-judgement and prevents you from “beating yourself up.”

Book Inspirations: This book is good for creativity since it can help free your mind from fear of criticism and self-doubt which can be vital for innovation, particularly in areas that require bolding thinking outside the box. In educational environments, the Four Agreements can form a foundation for respect, honesty, and interactive learning (e.g., participatory learning).